Right from the get-go, I know that midnight has something to do with this–I should be in bed. The mind is still going, and the body is not yet screaming for a reprieve from the current upright position. (All of this will be seen in a very different light when the 5AM wake-up alarm is blinking.)
I’ve just been reading on a website for students of indexing. (I had to sign up for it as part of my first instructor-graded indexing assignment.) As I read, doubts arise: Can I really learn this skill well enough to ask someone to pay me to perform it? Can I really run a small business as a freelancer?
Then I think about other doubts that swirl in the mist and fog of the midnight mind: Is Zach really ready for what would be demanded of him at South Side High School? Can Kris and I really pull off the bridal shower we are giving on Sunday? Is using our inheritance money to pay off our house really the wisest use of those funds? Those are the ones that float to the surface. But when the scratch has been made there, others, more deeply embedded, are exposed: Am I really doing the best I can do in homeschooling Zach? Do I sacrifice enough for my family? Do I care enough about my neighbors? Will I survive–will we survive–if the economic state of the USA turns on its head and really does change our society as we know it?
Meteor-like into the swirl comes streaking the truth that matters: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Throw into the mix comforting words: “I have loved you with an everlasting love…” and I can see a light breaking through the enshrouding questions. Steady, steady now…just follow the Light that is enough for the next step.
