This is something of a lightweight post. On the other hand, since it has something to do with family relationships, maybe not so much…
In email correspondence about a Christmas present for my mom and dad, my youngest brother recently threw out an idea “to see where it sticks”, as he said. (New expresssion to me…) He proposed that we siblings (five of us) forego buying Christmas gifts for one another this year and let the focus of our gift giving within the extended family be on the nieces and nephews. At least one sister has seconded the motion and has raised the question about the age range–we have nieces and nephews ranging all the way from age 34 to the newest baby (daughter of my nephew) who will be just a couple of weeks old when we gather for our VanKampen family Christmas celebration in mid-December.
This is what we’ve done before: Way back, we drew names. Personally, I didn’t like it–the worst was the year I had to come up with a robe for my brother-in-law (we drew his name and my sister supplied the wish list); I love my brother-in-law but it is challenging to shop for someone whose taste in clothes is seldom evident because we normally see him in his farm work clothes. Then we moved to buying for the nieces and nephews and, somewhere along the line, coming up with family gifts given between the siblings–usually some food package or something to be used by the entire family…and the same thing for everybody from each individual family. (Makes for an interesting lineup under the Christmas tree–all these multiples of identical gifts)
I’ve never gotten too hung up about extended family gift-giving at Christmas, after the first few years of being married. We kind of fell into our pattern and plan and that was fun. We are four generations when we gather–my parents, five kids and spouses, plus our children and a growing batch of grandchildren (up from 0 to 5 in the space of 3 years). Our feeling is that it’s not about the presents anyway when we get together at Christmas; it’s about making memories and enjoying one another’s company.
So, I’m not planning on starting now to get all bent out of shape about this. I’ll be good with whatever makes everyone else happy.
However, I am curious: What do other extended families do to make their Christmas celebrations fun and meaningful when they get together? How are gifts handled? What creative gift-giving alternatives have people come up with?
As I recall, you and i talked about this last Christmas, because it had become a dilemma for my family. After several years of drawing names, we ended up not doing any presents. Some of us gave gifts to my parents, and they gave gifts to grandchildren/great grandchildren. Most of the family gathered at our house for dinner, conversation, and games; and everyone had a great time. I think we were all relieved to not have the stress of figuring out gifts, and we were able to enjoy getting to know each other in new ways. I’ll let you know what happens this year!
When my dad’s side gets together, a couple of the ladies make decorations for the tables, and every family gets to take one home. (I’m still considered my own family because I’m an adult now.) My Avon selling aunt likes to give us Avon calendars too.
When my mom’s side gets together, it’s usually just my aunt’s family and ours because everyone’s so spread out. Kids are the only ones to get gifts, and that stops at graduation.
Amy,
I was just thinking about this subject. On Brent’s side we have gradually moved to the cousins (my children’s generation) picking names. Now that three of them are in their late teens, they are difficult to buy for. Also, everyone secretly knows that the parents do all the shopping. I would like to suggest that each family buy a group present for their cousins, to be shared by the whole family. I don’t know how that would be received by the others.
I struggle with this because my family is very casual about such things–buy if you want, don’t if you don’t want to. No expectations or hard feelings. I usually buy books for the neices and nephews, but last year I donated baby chicks to families in the third world in their names. This was a big hit!
Is it time to think about Christmas?
When I got married, I was surprised to see that my husband’s extended family always got together for Christmas. His grandparents always host four generations for a meal between Thanksgiving and Christmas and most of the 80+ are there every year. We all exchange Christmas cards and give small gifts to grandpa and grandma, but there are no gift exchanges any more. The children always have a few organized games to play, but for the most part, we just all enjoy being together and catching up since the last time. One year we did do something that was fun and funny. We drew names and then had to buy a $5 gift at a yard sale during the year. There were lots of gag gifts -like a wig for the baldest uncle and some dated clothing for a fashionable aunt.
Thanks, Ladies, for sharing your ideas! I think we will put our energies into making our time together special.